Living with the Dead

First off, Kelley Armstrong’s book, “Living with the Dead” is wonderful. I found of her writing that this book is a clear story with great characters that you can feel for and empathize with through no matter if they are dealing the with mundane or the supernatural. Also the new book format the her books are being published in is very classic in appearance and I find a lot more appealing then the trashier Harlequinesque cover that some of her books have had to carry. I’m not sure if it was the publishers goal at the time to bring in that kind of audience of not, but as a man I’m a lot more satisfied with the new look verses the old. They both have a sexualized cover appearance, but I find the new style of trade paper backs to be more appealing.

But enough of my reviewing books, onto life. Or at least what I’ve been seeing of life around me lately. The flow and energies that make up the odd drumbeat that is my life lately have been off. Not so much bad, or non-functional, but different from what I’m used to having. Things are changing and as expected it’s taking a little time to adapt and redesign a life with my new variables.
Variables such as:

• Working day shift
• Sarah moving in
• Rui always being away
• Starting up Wa Ki Rui again after a few months down time
• Starting Modern Arnis for the time ever (and loving it)
• And my ever perplexing state of health. (I’d think I was a hypocondrac if it wasn’t for the fact that they keep finding things wrong )

Now each one of these points has a different effect on my life, and it’s a matter of trying to juggle it all to get where I want to be going. Day shifts are great because it means I’m done work by 3pm and I get the rest of my day to spend with friends and to have a social life. At the same time, I’m usually so exhausted afterwards that I have no interest in socializing and just want to come home and crash, or go to the gym. Now the gyms always good, but after that I’m usually very done for the day. Meaning that sleep, reading, TV and video games are the only thing on my mind after wards. Certainly not socializing with others. I was more social when I worked nights, because the work part was always at the end of my day and I could just go home and crash afterwards.

Sarah moving in, well that’s been its own collection of wonderful and frustrating. Mostly due to the stress of moving, the additional items filling our place, her stress about getting a job and the mood swings have all added up to being a little tense at home. I love her being here and I know it’s working out, but wow if there wasn’t a few times that I thought living together might not have been such a good idea. But things seem to be getting better, and we think we found the route of the problem to help solve the stress and mood swings. So it’s just a matter of time before things bounce themselves back to being wonderful and wildly in love on a more than part time basis.

Rui’s in love, what can I say to that? His girlfriend wants to go out and do stuff every night and he’s happy to follow her lead. I’m happy for him in that regard, but I miss going out and having my goofy adventures with my best friend.

On to physical health news, I’m back in training again, and this time I’ve added Arnis to the docket. I’ve really enjoyed the training so far, and the feel of so tangibly learning something new. It’s been great, now to just get my body to run in line with my desire. Friday nights now are a complete write off for me since I do both styles that night, but it feels good when it’s all said and done. Just wish this dang tingling sensation would stop and stay gone. Hands started to tingle and feel numb during training last week and ever since then the feeling has been coming and going. It kind of sucks, mostly from an annoyance point. The last thing I need is another random thing wrong with my body. It seems like every time I find something there’s something else popping up to cause me grief. It’s the repeated helpless feeling I’m forced to confront every time something goes wrong. It would be one thing if the health issues were something I could have prevented or if they were just “eat healthier” type things. But they haven’t been; it’s been odd things like genetics, how I stand, and previous injuries. I miss the good old days when I felt indestructible, and would completely bounce back from any training I did with just a good nights sleep.

Death

Okay for those of you who know me, you know I work in a field plagued by the regular appearance of death. Yep the grim reaper is a regular at my work and it’s something that many of the people I work with have grown accustom to. If for no other reason to protect themselves from the attack of emotions death seems to plague most of humanity with. This is where I find myself perplexed and bothered. I understand and can empathize with the family and direct loved ones for the feelings of grief and loss with a loved one dying, but all the sadness and heartbreak doesn’t properly computer for me. I don’t see the reason in all the crying and belly aching, the all consuming grief that just shuts people down and makes then little fleshy monsters of useless. (Now this isn’t always the case, truthfully if someone close to me died I may be speaking differently but more often than not this is the problem I’m stuck with.) I’ve been blessed with being brought up in a loving family that had a unique outlook of how to respond to death and the facing it.

• Crying has no purpose but in making yourself feel better, so do it in private and don’t drag down anyone else.
• Unless death is caused by tragedy or occurs far too early you should not look at it with sadness but with joy and glory for the life the person lived and the people they touched.
• Did this person actually have an effect on your life or did you just know their name? Say a prayer for them and get on with your life. Or better yet, find out about the person you missed a chance to get to know. But don’t fake grieve its pathetic and offensive.
• They are not gone, just not in that body anymore. Keep the faith, you may actually get to meet them again.
• Celebrate the kind of person they actually were, not the kind of person you wanted them to be. Somber person = Somber remembering and social. Bursting with life and always up for adventure = Mardi Gras is on the menu.
• Got something bad to say about the person, forget it. If you didn’t have the balls to say it to them when they are alive then you don’t deserve to say it about them now that they have moved on. Just don’t carry that baggage around, it’s pointless and toxic.
• If they aren’t dead yet, then don’t give up hope. Man has changed the face of this world through hope and determination, death does not occur until you are dead. Until then you are living, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now I know I make this all sound somewhat detached, without empathy and far too simple, but seriously it’s what I believe and have grown accustom to living with. So I’ll apologize now it I don’t respond the way people think I should. If it’s any consolation you aren’t responding the way I think you should, so we’re even.

Today’s example is build around the fact that a dear and wonderful man passed away this morning only minutes after I had gone in to assist him. As I have many times in the past, I was present for much of his palliative care, and had to be hands on with him during part of his death rattle. I’m very happy that his loving wife could be by his side for all of it, and members of their church even made an appearance to help her with what she was going through. Truthfully I didn’t think he was going to pass today, but I’m glad that he did so quickly. I see far too many people tethered to the edges of life by their families unwillingness to let them pass, putting them on ever possible type of machine you can imagine just to keep the body alive. Truthfully it feels a little like a punishment to me, but I can only imagine what I would feel like in that situation. I’ll admit I’m terrified of the idea of dying, but just as scared of the idea of living motionless on a bed trapped in my head as a machine breathes and eats for me. But he passed surrounded by love and without any signs of pain of discomfort. His journey had ended and he moved on. Let joy and love follow him on his new path.

What bothered me was all the staff that seemed to be shaken up or bothered by “someone” dying. Didn’t matter who it was or how little contact they had had with him, it’s the fact that he died that saddened them. This makes no sense to me. Worse yet is that I’m certain that a number of these individuals are actually genuinely saddened by the death, even though they didn’t know the person. How do you live in a world such as ours when just the thought of someone dying causes you grief? Do they not comprehend the idea that people are constantly dying all across the planet but the truckload? Or is it a proximity thing, and only deaths within a 1km radius cause these feelings? And what do you say to someone who’s grieving and all you can think of is “I’m glad they didn’t suffer” or “they wouldn’t be upset about this, so why are you?”

Burial orders for when I die

• Celebrate my life and throw one hell of a party.
• Dig a big as hole with shovels and teamwork, not a backhoe, and then dump my body in said hole.
• Plant tree in hole (preferably a cherry tree or something good for climbing, not evergreen).
• Remember my smile, and tell my grandkids about the stupid things I did. Even if you embellish the stories to make me sound cooler than I actually was. ^_^

Day Forty One – The Illiad

(Hey everyone sorry this didn’t come out on time. I’ve been a little distracted the last two days and even though I got a chance to write this post I didn’t get a chance to send it. Enjoy)

So it’s 11:44 in the morning and Shannon, Steve and I are on our way to Vancouver. The traffic and time has been with us all morning, the weather is nice and now that we have a little food in us everybody is feeling a lot more comfortable. For me, it’s nothing but anxiety and excitement. The anxiety isn’t a bad thing, more akin to the feeling of stage fright. I want everything to be wonderful and perfect for Sarah when she gets in. Basically 6 weeks of romantic sentiment presenting itself in the most tangible way I can think of. Sure it’s just the start of what I someday hope is a lifetime of romantic moments, but it still means a lot to me to make this wonderful. It’s not every day that I get such a perfect set up to be classically romantic.

So of course as per the nature of my life, I was late to finding my Dear Heart in the airport. Mostly because of running from one end of the airport to the other and not being able to find arrivals. Finally I gave up on relying on my male sense of instinctual directions and asked a security guard that was giving me the stink eye. In his defense I had just ran clear across the airport and back again holding a rose, so I kind of stood out. But he politely looked at me like I was an idiot, and pointed me towards the stairs. Arrivals are downstairs by the way, just so everybody now knows. It only took me a few second to find her once I actually got downstairs, she was the incredibly beautiful woman asleep on the bench.

The rest of the day has been a splendid blur of my Dear Heart once again in my arms. A beautiful night, a lovely room, chocolate, roses, relaxation and the enjoyment of a plan that’s come together. Sure there is plenty of things to worry about and work on in the horizon, but for now I only have one concern, and that is to help my Dear Heart relax and enjoy herself. Soon we shall be home, our home.

Day Forty – It’s the Final Countdown….

Today so far has been a steady moving, efficient, fog as I paced my sleepy way through work. I have a great casual covering for the regular girl that I work with, so things are going along like clockwork. Now if I can just shake off this tired feeling and learn to relax a bit before my Dear Hearts return I should be fine. The house has made progressive leaps towards tidy and organized, I know it will never be perfectly so but one can try. I’ve got my list of supplies I need to get for the big return all planned out and most if I don’t already have are easy enough to find so long as luck stays with me.

My roommate Rui got home last night, his wonderful week of camping has come to an end and he’s getting used to the idea of having to get back into the everyday grind of a working stiffs life again. He was annoyed when I told him about the fleas, but took it all pretty in stride considering I’d already done 90% of the work necessary for cleaning and clearing the place out of their presence. He showed his appreciation by buying dinner for the two of us last night just s I got home from the gym. I’m really glad I did work out, because it equalized the greasy chicken that Rui bought for dinner. I swear that man is bad for me sometimes. It’s extra hard to be good about what you eat, and to encourage yourself to eat healthier when you have a roommate that survives on chips, fuzzy peaches, soda, and KFC. Sure he eats healthier every now and again, but he avoids veggies like the plague, and always follows a healthy meal with five cent candies, chip and dip. Now I love the man dearly, I really do, but wow does he make it easy for me to find excuses for that piece of cake, or to buy a bunch of junk food for movie night. Worst thing is Mother Nature seems to be on his side, he works out half as much as I do and loses weight like nothing. But I have no worries, after this last six weeks I know that if I really want to accomplish something I can do it.

I’ve never understood the statement “spring is in the air”. Now I know what it means in a literal term, and conceptually I get the idea; but it’s the subtext of romance that trips me up. I asked a girl at work what she thought the statement meant, and she told me it was because people get together and fall in love during the spring. Now this may be true for some out there, but in my experience it’s the end of the summer that brings people together more. And yes I know I met my Dear Heart in the spring, so I can argue my own relationship to the pattern I’m seeing, but it still stands out to me. Everyone I know lately is coupling up and more interestingly then expected it’s with each other. Steve and Shannon, Brandon and Lindsey, now I just need to get Cliff seeing someone from our many groups of friends and we may have it made. Truthfully I want to give him a chance to meet one of my Sempai’s because given the chance I think they could hit it off swell. But my Dear Heart told him about a girl she’s friends with and it’s left him quite intrigued. I think the key to that little situation though is for us to get them a chance to meet, nonchalantly, and for us now to possible ruin it for them. Because that inevitably happens when trying to set people up with one another, no matter how much we just want them to be happy. Something just feels right about the world when you look around yourself and see all your friends happy and in budding romances.

So this evening has washed by in a flash of small chores and silly distractions. The more I try and plan for the adventure this week-end the more I seem to get distracted by all the little things I want to get perfect. After work today I spent at least an hour and a half searching just for a converter piece that I can apply to the computer. The crazy thing is I had the one main piece that I was looking for already at home, and the other parts just things that I could put together. So over an hour of searching for something I didn’t realize I already had at home. I did find it greatly amusing though to discover that the part is pretty much impossible to find these days. But that’s just the way things are going for me today. I think it’s all the excitement and nerves converging against my brain.

But I’m off to bed now. It’s been a long day and I want to try and get some rest. See you tomorrow ^_^

Day Thirty Nine – Hotel Babilu

Confusion, mayhem, these are the song a well trained RCA hears all day long as they keep their cool and get the job done. Today, today the song is as loud as ever. I have a well meaning partner who barely speaks English, has never worked in this house before and has no idea where to begin, a group of residents that for some reason have all seemingly lost control of their urinary systems (which they normally control), and one particular person who’s having a hissy fit since she isn’t getting what she wants. Just another day in my world, and not a thing in this place could ruin my good mood because my lady get’s back in just 2 days. And oh what plans I have for that.

Such plans have included me starting to watch a BBC series called Hotel Babylon. At least this may be the excuse I’m choosing to use at this time. But at least it is valid, since the show is about a 5 star hotel in London that caters to the every need and bizarre desire of its rich and unique customers. The show is primarily about the staff of the hotel. It’s the Concierge that really captured my attention, calm collected and always was ready to get you exactly what you wanted or needed. My kind of chap. One of the greatest aspects of the show though is the idea’s it’s been giving me for when my Dear Heart returns, and ways to spoil and treat her. I like intricate plots, and coming up with grand and detailed plans. Which in its own way is the exact opposite of what I should be doing, especially when it comes to ideas of proposal. The more direct and simple a plan is, the less likely it is to completely self destruct. But half the fun of a good and proper plot is seeing it all come together even with the bumps in the road and coming out exactly, or near exactly as planned. So I’ll just have to wait and see, but at least I know phase one is going splendid and should near completion soon. *chuckles*

I’m starting to understand why I have always been so entranced by women, even at a young age. It’s the Universes way of keeping me from either plotting my own destruction or taking over the world. Here’s just hoping that my Dear Heart doesn’t ask me to take over the world. ^_^

Day Thirty Eight – Bombs Away, This is a RAID!

Yep cheesy starting title, but what can I say in my defense other then I’m stoned on Raid right now. Leave it to my roommate to leave for the few weeks that his cats get fleas. Now those of you who know me, know I don’t really like pets. I mean they’re cute and all, and serve a purpose to some, but for me personally I’m not really a fan. If anything I’m a dog person. But as I’m quickly learning, the wonderful people in my life all seem to be cat people. This has meant a level of change and acceptance that has had to come from me. When Rui and I moved in together, I knew he had cats and I knew they would be coming along (truthfully I hoped for otherwise) but I didn’t know what exactly it would be like living with them. Truthfully these two cats may be the exception but I’m pretty sure the cats know how I feel about them and the feeling is mutual. It’s taken about a year and a half for me to accept the furry little monsters and them to start getting cuddly with me. The cuddly part I’m certain is only because Rui has been away from home the past few weeks and they have been left without options. Never the less this has made me accepting of them to come and sleep at the end of my bed, and sit in my room when I’m not around. So when I started waking up with little red bite marks all over my ankles and lower legs I was not amused. At first I thought it was a rash of some sort, but then I noticed how much the cats were scratching themselves and took a closer look. Yep the furry little bastards have fleas and now I’m paying the consequences. Worse yet is that I’ve been cleaning and organizing the house all this time, so I have to pretty much move everything again to clean and bug bomb the entire house just to be safe. After work today I actually took a little time and visited a Vet to get some pointers and medicine to help the situation out. Truthfully from the sounds of the plan they gave me, I should be able to have this situation handled within 48 hours. Which is good because I want my home wonderful for when my dear Heart gets home. And fleas are not the welcome home gift that I plan on giving her.

So last night long after I had previously posted I was enjoying some restful slacking in the apartment watching video game trailers and talking with Cliff when all of a sudden the air around us starts to scream. Or at least that’s certainly how it felt since I had a headache and the fire alarms in my building are very effective at getting your attention. We are now both very awake and grabbing our things while making for the door. I even remembered to check for the cats before leaving but the sound had done its job on them too. Few minutes later there we are, standing in the cool night air surrounded by all of my neighbours all with the same “the fuck?” look on our faces. As usual it suddenly came down to me to call the Fire department, which the last time this happened was my job then too. My next door neighbour actually joked with a few of the others that I was the first floor hero. When in trouble just find me and I’ll come to rescue. Now of course this was due to putting a fire out in her apartment for her about a year or so back, but then I started to think about it. One of the building managers actually always makes a point of talking to me whenever something suspicious is happening in or around the building, and I have either talked to or helped out a lot of my neighbours with little things around the building. It’s actually nice to know that they look at me in such a way. Truthfully with the way our society works these days most people I know don’t even speak to their neighbours, much less know them by name. But I think that’s just one of the many wonderful things I learned from my parents growing up. Whenever we moved into a new neighbourhood my dad would always go about the houses and introduce himself and the family. Just being neighbourly he’d say. Too bad more people don’t still do that, I think the world would be a lot safer of a place. Oh and the fire alarm was just a false alarm. Someone pulled the fire alarm up on the second floor. Jerk, whoever you are, you’re just lucky Leverage had already ended or there would have been hell to pay.

Today was another day at work. I wish there was a better way to put it at times, but there really isn’t. You just have to put your head down and survive it. Enjoying the good parts as they come and don’t hold onto the bad parts after they have past. My partner is a good worker and a nice person, but she’s trying to do to many people’s jobs and not concentrating on just doing her own. I enjoy the enthusiasm, but when your trying to help with breakfasts and only further confusing the Food Service person who is trying to also get things ready, well that’s about the time to take a step back. I’m sure Foods appreciates your help, but get out of the damn kitchen. Just because I know how to make a burger, doesn’t mean the cook at Fifth St is going to let me come back and cook my own. It’s not your job. Instead how about you take a few extra minutes doing your actual job and spend that bit more time with Residents so they don’t complain to me all day long about how half assed and rushed you did your job that morning. Seriously our job is difficult enough without making new things to do, and always having to wander around trying to figure out where my partner has suddenly vanished off to. We had a person on the ground bleeding today, and you were nowhere to be found. Sure I can handle the situation easily enough myself, but if it was any worse I would have needed the help, and you were nowhere to be found. This isn’t some Mc’job, we’re responsible for people’s health, safety and lives. Start acting like it.

In other news we’re down to the final 3 days before my Dear Heart is returned to me. I’m incredibly excited and completely distracted by the fact that there is still so many other things that I was hoping to do in the mean time. Not to mention my new little pet problem I was still hoping to have fully gone through the house and gotten rid of a lot of the clutter and items that weren’t needed. Now I’ll just settle for clean and somewhat organized. I know she’s not expecting a whole new building or anything when she gets back, but I still would have loved to have everything perfect for her. It’s my own selfish need to prove myself a good mate and partner, I’m sure of it. Some bizarre cave man urge to make sure the rocks aren’t too dirty in the cave for when the women get back to the cave. Truthfully with how many people want to see her and the amount of things she’s going to be dealing with when she gets back I don’t think she will even notice the changes, but that doesn’t matter. I’ll know, and well I’m pretty certain if the place is a mess when she gets back she will notice that. Silly pride in my home.

Day Thirty Seven – We have a Code Mango Bravo Chimpanzee Situation

So yesterday’s post was a bit of a cop out. Sorry about that but I was a little more restless then I could have seen coming and I let myself get distracted by a day of socializing with Steve, Jody, and my sister Catherine. It was actually kind of great because it’s been a long time since I last had a day where I just got to be around people with very little agenda of activities to complete. Jody and I spend a few hours sitting in Alzu’s talking and catching up as he told me about a game he’s starting called Dead Lands. It was a good way to kill a little time, learn something new, and it gave us something to do while waiting for my sister to get in from Vancouver.

I’ve got to admit hanging out with my sister is always a blast. This is most likely because we are so similar that we usually have the same motivations for things and the same outlook on the world around us. But also because even though it’s been almost two years since we last got a chance to hang out (my grandfathers funeral) we pick up where we left off like it was only a few minutes. The fact that she just got back from hanging out with one of her very close high school friends made it even more amusing because all of a sudden the nostalgia was complete as I sat there with my friends and she rattled off about her latest adventures in silliness with Pam. Something she did frequently back in High school. As usual with my sister though, she had already contacted one of her Victoria friends on the drive in and she quickly arrived to steal Catherine away from us. Completely understandable with knowing how sociable my sister is and how little she gets to visit the island. No worries though, I scheduled in a little time with her for later this afternoon when I get off work.

Four more days and I couldn’t be more excited. I find it really amusing that this energy that’s been building up in me has been finding at outlet in cleaning and re-organizing my house lately. I guess it has been escaping that way all month but it’s even more potent right now. Even as Steve and Jody sat in my living room playing Halo I was hard at work clearing out old boxes of stuff, sorting through what I want to keep and preparing to recycle/give away/trash the rest. I seriously have so many things to add to www.UsedVictoria.com right now it’s just silly. But I think it’s better to try and make a little money back on the still good and working items, then to just give them away for free. Frankly with a few of the purchases I have in mind for the future I could probably use the money.

Today is one of those days that I wish I had a bit more focus and bit less to do. It was like storming the beaches of Normandy at work this morning, and doesn’t seem to want to end. I get to look forward to spending about an hour hanging out with my sister right after work before she ditches me to go hang out with her friends again, than off to the gym to meet up with Cliff for another few hours of training. Yeah I’m pretty sure at some point in all of this I’m going to relax, but not anytime soon. I could skip the gym part, but I like doing it, it makes me feel good later on, and well I want to be looking as good as possible for my Dear Heart when she gets back. Unlike her who is already in amazing shape and has been hiking and biking around the UK for the last 6 weeks I’m going to have to work my ass off to get in better shape. Might as well get a grip on the situation now. I have three months of Arnis to start training in September, as well as I’m going to be starting to go back to Wa Ki Rui as well. So might as well get used to working hard and testing the limits of my body ^_^

What’s with all the planes in the air today? Seriously just saw like 5 plays fly by and 3 of them were fighter jets. ??? Answers people, I need answers.

Day Thirty Six – Five Words

A meme that seems to be going around is “Five words”. Someone close to you gives you five words they think best describes you, and you get to describe why. Here’s the five words that my Dear Heart gave me.

Scorpio – I find it funny that Scorpio was chosen, because I’ve had people come up and start conversations with me by asking “Are you a Scorpio?” I’ve been told my entire life that I embody all the good and bad traits that make up a Scorpio, and like all great Scorpio’s I fight those traits passionately, trying to be better than my weaknesses.
I found a wonderful write up about Scorpio’s the describes me quite well, uncomfortably so.

“Scorpio individuals are enigmatic, strong-willed, and passionate. People born under this sign are considered to be dynamic and extreme in their opinions. Scorpios need a positive avenue of expression in career, love, and creative achievement or their feelings turn inward, imprisoned, and at times even destructive. The positive aspect of Scorpio is their unswerving dedication once their emotions are engaged. The Scorpio energy, drive, and endurance are legend. Above all, the Scorpio seeks to give life a meaningful pattern, to find a deeper purpose. Controversially, Scorpios are ruthless enemies, they never forgive an injury and will wait years to get even. Scorpio is a fierce competitor, though often they manage to conceal this from others. Scorpios file away pieces of information, facts, names and don’t hesitate to use what they know if the occasion arises. Astrologers forget to emphasize how loving, generous, kind, loyal, even the gentle quality of a Scorpio. A Scorpio never forgets a kind gesture and tries to repay it handsomely.

People who were born in this section of the year have great magnetic power, and as speakers appeal to the emotions and sentiments of their public more than to logic, but they sway their audiences as they choose. They are the searchers of the zodiac and have an insatiable desire for knowledge on every level. From spiritual and intellectual revelations, these people want the edge on everybody else.
In dangerous situations and in sudden crises they remain cool and very determined. Many of the very best surgeons have been found in this period. Representatives of this sign often become workaholics. They drive themselves hard, and usually drive others unmercifully. They despise weakness in themselves or in others.

Their worst fault is that they are too adaptable to the people with whom they come in contact.

They always lead double lives one for the eyes of the world and another for themselves.

In business and politics they have clever ideas, but they are best as advisers of others. One of their main problems is that they have a habit to “put off things until tomorrow.

Such people usually excel in settling other people’s quarrels and bringing enemies together to shake hands.

They have incredible personal magnetism, so no other class of people makes more friends or have more enemies than those born in this period, but their strong personality carries them through like a resistless wave.

The sex quality plays a vital part in their lives. The women attract men and the men attract women; but in cases where the will and ambition are dominant these people can control their strong sex-natures. Relationships are a kind of mystery for them so anyone involved with them must prepare for profound changes in themselves, their mysterious partner and the relationship itself. Usually these people are interested in marriage and long-term commitment. To an average Scorpio, love is an intensely passionate and enduring emotion that may be directed at one person only.

People in this Sign should, above all, be encouraged to have ambition, for it is the one thing that will save them; for it they will make any sacrifice or deny themselves any pleasure, and so accomplish more work than any other class.

In general they need to dominate relationships and rarely display their true feelings even at the most open and communicative moments. Although this people may not intentionally set out to be mysterious, they manage to appear enigmatic anyway. They hate being crossed or manipulated, and can react to such treatment with sarcasm and vengefulness.

In their home life the men are inclined to be dogmatic, and expect to rule; but their influence over women is so great that they are almost always forgiven.

Sooner or later, they generally become interested in occult matters, they readily develop unusual clairvoyant powers, and quite often gain fame and distinction as writers, painters or poets. They are natural philosophers, deep students of Nature, and observe and analyze other persons’ characters better than any other class.”

Art – I adore art in all its forms, whether I’m making it or just in its presence. I’ve always found it wonderful that I think in sounds and images, scenes passing through my mind make up my thoughts. Music, paintings, sketches, acting, singing, dancing, writing, any of it. I’ve tried it all, and will always try them again, because art is so very important to my ability to thrive in life.

Glutton – Unfortunately this is very accurate for me. When I enjoy something I want it all, and I tend to go overboard if I’m not concentrating on what’s at hand. This doesn’t include just mean food either, everything in my life can fall into this category for me. Whether it’s books, art, working out, sex, movies, anything really. If I enjoy it, I just want to hold onto that feeling and get as much of it as I can. This is one of the main reasons why I don’t do drugs or drink that often. I know that if I get a taste for it, I may go overboard. I try my best to live by a simple motto. “Nothing in excess, including moderation.”

Singularity – A dear and close friend once called me “the Soul of the Singularity”. This was because she said I had a way of alter the very reality around me, and the most unlikely and wonderful things can happen when I’m around. At first I thought it was just a very creative compliment, but then we discussed it and I saw the pattern she did. My entire life has been made up of unique instances and have swayed all over the board, usually in my favour. Now I may not always feel that way at the time, but it seems to work out for me in the end. I’m one of the few people I know in life that has tangible shifts of karma, and days that I can practically arrange the events that are going to occur in my favour.

Faceted – One of numerous aspects, yeah I can see it. I have always been a very adaptable person and with my curiousity have always strived to try my hand at pretty much everything. But I’m also one of the few guys I know that let’s himself take on different viewpoints so readily. I try to be very contemplative and attentive to how I behave and how others see me. This in itself can cause me to be many different people to those around me. I think we all carry these differences with us, but most make them part of the core of their identities, where as I tend to wear each of them like a well tailored outfit.

Day Thirty Five – Clean, it must be clean Master!

You ever have one of those days that you just didn’t see coming. I mean really just didn’t see happening or working out the way it did. Well for me, it was definitely not the day off I was expecting. Woke up once again to a lovely little email from my Dear Heart to start the day. Hung out with the roomie, did some chores, finally got the garbage disposable fixed, and went off to do some writing at the coffee shop. Was even productive for the first bit, when suddenly Hugh came online and started chatting with me. Now for those of you who don’t know, Hugh is the National Storyteller of the Camarilla Canada, and one of the main reasons for yesterdays stress issues. But today we got to take some time and just talk the issues out. It gave us a chance to really get a feeling for what we both want to do while in our positions and clear the air about what problems we may be facing. Got everything back on track and helped revitalize a lot of the energy that I have been seriously lacking when it came to the game. I think it helped him as well since it gave him a chance to clear up some info that he had be misinformed about and was tainting his views a lot of the situation out West. Hopefully now everything is worked out and we can get things running like a well oiled machine, because I have some superb ideas in the works for what I plan on doing in this domain. I must admit if all goes according to plan I’m hoping to make the stories and game play here so great, the stories at Caine (National Convention) will seem rudimentary.

Otherwise it’s been a good but simple day. I got a wonderful chance to do some cooking, get a good work out done, play some video games (for the first time in weeks) and even got something I was waiting for in the mail. ^_^ All together not a bad day and I still have a ton of energy to play with and get a few more things accomplished. I’m going to have this apartment rearranged and hopefully clutter free by the time my Dear Heart returns. Of course this doesn’t mean the place will look good, and I may have to move everything again once she moves in, but it’s going to be clean. And for a guy who’s been kind of a bachelor as long as I have, that should say something.

Day Thirty Four – Let it Go

I must not stress. Stress is the mind-killer. Stress is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my stress. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the stress has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Okay so I totally stole that from the Dune books, with a slight alteration of my own. But it really does work with the events unfolding in my world lately. Truthfully the majority of that stress started with the Camarilla organization and how things between the players and the organization seem to be falling apart. Truthfully I’m expecting the Domain to collapse within the time span of this month. This causes me stress because I’ve been working my ass off for such a long time to keep this domain together and working right, that I’m finally at a spot where I just don’t want to fight anymore. I really have to admit that I have a lot of good things going on in my life right now and frankly I don’t feel like I need the Camarilla that much anymore. I’ve made great friends in my time with the group and I know that leaving the group isn’t going to take those friends away. But as usual I don’t like to just give up on things. Truthfully I’m just waiting to see what my Dear Heart wants to do about it all.

Leave it to my day to add new stressors too. I just got a very worried sounding call from Steve that Shannon needs my help….Okay so Shannon should be okay. It’s about 2 hours later and I just got home. I’m glad I could help, but it would have been better if I had the answers needed. I’m just happy I had the training and mindset to be able to do something for her. It’s hard to see a friend in pain, and more so to see my other friend looking to me for answers and having a far to worried look in his eyes. Really did leave me wanting to further educate myself in medicine and health care. Driving over to her place, and going through the check list of questions to ask, I had this great feeling of what it must be like to be a paramedic. I always knew I wanted to be able to help people but it was really neat to be able to use what I knew to try and assist a friend. I really have to get my ducks together and get myself into that RN program.