Day Six – Unproductively Productive

Okay so I know that title doesn’t make very much sense, but hopefully I can explain. I awoke to a phone call this morning, roughly just after 8am from one of the many Cat rescue groups that I have been plaguing with phone calls. Unfortunately it wasn’t helpful information beyond, they haven’t found my Dear Hearts cat. One more name off the list. What it did do though is wake me up enough to start calling around again and checking the internet for anyone who may have found her. Still nothing but as many of you know I’m not prone to giving up without a fight.

It was just after I finished making my rounds of phone calls when I received a wonderful message from my Dear Heart. It was absolutely wonderful getting to chat with her and touch base for a little while about her trip. Sounds like some things are a touch rocky to start with, but I’m certain that it will all sort itself out over the next few weeks. If nothing else it just re-affirmed how much I miss her and wish I could easily transport myself over to Europe to see her. I’ve actually juggled the idea of spending the week I have off between my scheduled block of shifts to fly out to Dublin to meet up with her for a little while. Not this is mostly a pipe dream, considering that it would cost me close to a month’s pay check to fly out there for the week on such short notice. But it’s still a fun notion.

Now having gotten the chance to devour away 30 minutes of my day reciting how much I loved and missed my Dear Heart, I was left in quite a wonderfully happy state. Practically glowing if I would say so myself. Which immediately served as the motivation I needed to get started on some of the silly little projects I’ve been meaning to do. Over the next few hours I toiled away on sorting files and planning out how I was going to conquer the disarray that is my home. This would have been a grand achievement too if I didn’t stop to lay down and have a quick 20 minute nap. (Note: I went to bed just after 5:30am and was up just after 8am, so I was a little exhausted.) Well close to two hours later I finally pulled myself from my bed and went back to work. Well something a kin to work, since somehow I got quite a bit accomplished even though it looked far more like I was just listening to music and watching the BBC. For a completely lazy day it seems I’ve accomplished being productive despite myself.

Now I get to enjoy the beautiful, if cool summer weather out at my new writing station. The feel of the clear breeze running across my skin as I sit here lightly listening to music and the sounds of the city around me. I’ve got to admit the focus and trance like state I get into when writing always comes easier in environments like this one, or maybe a neighbourhood coffee shop. Now I just need to find a way to kiss my Dear Heart good night, to make this day go by perfectly.

Day Five – Insecurities

I woke up terribly annoyed this morning. I have a tendency to lucid dream frequently, which can be wonderful, but it can also get away from me at times. Times like this morning. Now the lead up chapters to this dream are not important, but the climax of the story really bothered me. Essentially the plot led to me, my Dear Heart, and my roommate bumping into and getting into a conflict with a certain guy that’s motivated my violence reflex (Let’s just say his name rhymes with Smegory. He said a few things to my Dear Heart that provoked the situation and I proceeded to start hitting him. Now a little violence is not unknown to ones dreams but this is where my insecurities become painfully obvious to me. As I started to hit him, there was no power to my strikes. Weak and ineffective strikes as he just stood there and laughed at me for trying. This of course made me angrier causing me to lose my tempter at my own weakness and his gloating. At which point I proceeded to pummel him in a feather pillow type consistency and throw him aside. His limp form lands weightlessly on the side of a hanging fluorescent light and then slowly slides to the ground. At which point me Dear Heart screams and runs to his side, yelling out at me “how could you do such a thing” and looking at me with eyes filled with terror, disgust and anger. I turned my head to my roommate to the see only him shaking his head, “Too far, he deserved it, but you went too far”. At this I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lose as I looked to my Dear Heart and knew that I had lost her. Only to hear Smegory start to snicker from his limp pulped body, whispering words only I could here, “I win”.

At this point I woke up, the taste of my anger at him still pumping fresh and at full in my veins. To say that this bothered me would be an understatement of grand proportions. I accept that Smegory hurt my feelings, betrayed me, and is someone I would very much never want to deal with again, but for the thought of such a person raising such a reaction in me is troubling. I’ve always known that I had a temper, but it was a something that I learned to keep strong chains on and would very rarely let out of my control. Being a creature of my size and girth, it’s a dangerous thing to lose control. I think this is where some of the other insecurities struck me. It was seeing my Dear Heart witness the anger that could possibly lie inside me or the idea of the pain I could cause, and rejecting me that really hurt. I know that the true version of my Dear Heart is far more understanding and this situation would never occur, but it still left me feeling off. It wouldn’t be the first time a person left me because they were scared of the possibility of me losing my temper, even if it has never hurt anyone yet in my 30 years of life. If nothing else this has given me a few things to think about for self improvement, and when I subconsciously think my weaknesses are. Above all else though it actually pleases me to know that both consciously and subconsciously I fear losing my Dear Heart. It has been a very long time since I last felt as connected to a person as I do to her.
I’m definitely not going to screw this one up

Other than wonderfully disturbing dream the rest of the day was quite productive and fun. Rui and I spent most the day hanging out and playing video game (well he played). I got a chance to clean off the patio, buy some shirts and even found a table for out on the deck so I can sit out there and write. Altogether an enjoyable day ^_^

Ps. Dear Heart, I love you. Forever and a day, I don’t think I’ll ever really get the chance to tell you that enough.

Day Four

Let em fight.
That’s the thought that ran through my head as I sat down to work on this post. Silly I know, but I’ve hit that odd wall of exhausted from work, stressed out from Camarilla issues I’m trying to catch up on, distracted by the story I’m longing to write, worried about Vesper (my Dear Hearts cat), missing my Dear Heart, and the big one – going cold turkey on sex. Now I know that last one doesn’t sound like much to most of you, but currently for me it feels like my blood cells are becoming barbed and tearing through my system and the only thing that will sooth their ferocity is taste of supple flesh upon my lips, my teeth tracing along the skin barely holding back the urge to bite down and draw blood, the hands gripping firmly against the body pressed against me, moist, warm, intoxicating….
Okay, so you see where my heads at. But that’s the problem, this isn’t where my heads at. My heads thinking about the girl I love deeply. It’s my fraking hormones that can’t get their act together. Or possible they have, and they just came to the decision that I am the enemy and have declared war on the rest of my body. Traitorous biology. (note, I’ve got to totally write something with the title Traitorous biology). But alas, I’m doing what I do all too well, I’m burying myself in my work. Or in this case, the Camarilla paperwork I’m dreadfully behind on and on a few plots that I’ve been contemplating on experimenting with. So much to play with in my life, and so little time to get any of it done. I’ve really got to learn how Gluke get’s so much done (man is seriously the king of time efficiency and productivity)
But it is my Friday, and I am going to enjoy it as much as possible. I got to speak with my Dear Heart last night, she’s currently in Paris, but will be leaving today so hopefully all went well for her. ^_^ I’ve never know someone who had the effect on me that she seems to without even trying. I actually was looking at my work schedule today, daydreaming about traveling to the UK to visit her for a few days in between my blocks of shifts. Totally unrealistic, I know, but still a nice thought to carry my through the day.
Holy crap, that was awesome. I’m sitting in Cafe Fantastico writing this and all of a sudden this police car get’s it’s light a flashing and siren going and pulls a hard u-turn in the middle of the intersection. Now what no one else seemed to notice (except the police officers) was the large fire that had spontaneously started at the back of Fairways market. From what I could see, it looked like a bunch of sleeping bags and cardboard has started on fire and had carried on to burn the ground and part of the building beside them. The two officers were out of the car, and grabbed the fire extinguisher from the back of the car in a what seemed like seconds. These two had their act together and that fire stood no chance. It still took a few minutes of pulling the flaming debris apart and spraying it down, but the fire was quickly extinguished. Oh, and here’s the Fire Department, a little late, but always appreciated. I can’t tell if it was just the heat that started the fire, or maybe a stray cigarette, but no matter what that was both worrisome and terribly impressive. The police take a lot of flack but they do a great job with what they have and I’m really glad to have them out there looking out for us.

Day Three

Operation Cat Comeback is steadily underway. I spent a good portion of my time (at work) and after calling around and searching this town and all its cat rescue clinics for my Dear Hearts cat. The thing that really set me a fire on OCC (Operation Cat Comeback) is the voicemail I received earlier today. It may just be a red herring but after some of the calls I made yesterday I finally got a response. Seems the woman I called had the cat, given to her by a neighbour who’s son found it. Since the cat wasn’t going to be taken by the SPCA or the CRD she gave the cat back to the neighbour who then sent it off to a cat rescue corp or something. Thing that got the blood pumping was when she described the cat, it sounded exactly like the cat I’m looking for. Nearly jumped out of my shoes I got so excited, only to call her back and get once again, the dang answering machine So I went on my merry little search of the phone book and started calling pretty much every place I could think of that might have seen this cat. I swear I’m going to drive the SPCA nuts until they start helping me search this town. *evil snicker*
By the time I got home I all but immediately passed out. Of course this meant I was completely late for Brandon’s “Un-birthday” dinner. Which was great and a lot of fun. Random gift giving, and silly cards. Cafe Brio was really excellent too (expensive as all hell) but the food was fantastic. ^_^ Can’t wait to take my Dear Heart out to give it a try when she returns. But that’s just one of many plans I have…

Day Two

Coffee with Teika was wonderful today. Got a chance to catch up with a wonderful friend after an actually enjoyable (shock) day at work. Along with all the silliness and fun, it was also a beautiful and sunny day. Seems like our run of rain has come to a quick and glorious rest, certainly not the end. That’s the joy of living in Victoria; it’s always going to rain sooner or later.
Torchwood, Torchwood, oh how you pull me in and set my imagination a fire. The Children of Earth event has been spectacular thus far and I’m only half way through the episodes. It tickles me endlessly to think of how terrifying the concept of all the children of the world speaking as one voice would be. It’s a fantastic sci-fi concept built with a great moral dilemma. To me this is a wonderful way to tell a story. Good on you, BBC. ^_^
In other news, I’m desperately missing my Dear Heart. I got the blessed gift of sending her a text this morning, and receiving one in return. It’s the little things of affection that really mean everything to me. Her smile and thoughts of her glowing in my mind throughout the day. This is why I spent a good portion of my day searching for her cat. Checking the neighbourhood for what felt like the thousands time, and going and harassing the SPCA for any information they may have. Luckily my charisma held out for me with the lady at the SPCA and I convinced her to give me the name and phone number of a lady who called in as finding a cat in my Dear Hearts neighbourhood. So far I’ve called the woman three times and left messages, but she hasn’t called me back yet. Hopefully soon I’ll here back and find out if it’s a dead end or not. I just know how much this cat means to her and I really want to be able to take some of the stress and pain from her by finding it. *crosses fingers* Here’s hoping.

Day One

Okay so it’s day one. Now I can completely understand how some of you who are still morbid enough to be curious about my life might be wondering, day one of what? Well it’s Day one of a six week writing experiment that I’m doing while the love of my life travels to another continent. This is going to be an adventure in me being able to actually focus enough to write each day, along with updates and silliness about my day to day life.
It was a cool and dreary morning as I climbed my ass out of bed at 0530am. Being a creature of the night the hour wasn’t unfamiliar to me, but I’m far more comfortable with going to bed at that hour, not waking. So shambling out of bed the sound of the rain falling outside the only voice to greet me. It agonized me to be going to work at this hour, but the feeling of the rain on my skin was a welcome distraction. This was certainly a morning that would have been better off reading and laying in bed. But not all was lost. The day didn’t turn out nearly as tragic as expected, and I got to speak with my traveling beauty to finish it all off. ^_^

15 Advertisements I had to share

Okay so I never seem to blog anymore, but this brought me out of hiding so I thought I would share.

Oh the life I live

So in the wonderful recent events of my life, I just found out that I will be going up for promotion in karate on the 1st of May. I knew that the possibility existed, but I haven’t been as focused as I would like in my training lately and thought it would hold me back. But if nothing else this just shows me that I’ve got to persevere through the rough patches and keep training. Tonight is going to have to be the flag ship for my training, because it was awesome. I had a day of feeling fantastic, hanging out with my roommate, and then a great night of training katas. It felt fantastic being in the dojo with all that positive energy and each of us working through the moves.

Lost

Dear Lost,

Please stop taking away my days. I know you are fabulous with your abserdity but it’s starting to have ill effects on my mind. John Locke had a camio in my dreams last night. Okay sure it was cool and all, so that can keep happening, but I need to be able to get some work done in the mean time.
Love Little Mountain

Ps: Why are these people complaining? They are living on a beach in the tropics with tons of space and food, build a cabana and enjoy it for the rest of us suffering from a cold friggin winter.

WHY ARE YOU NOT BLOGGING THE TRADE SHOW?! – Part 2

So I told you I would be back to tell the rest of this dull tale, and here I am. Truth be told I’m going to rush through this part, mostly because it’s behind me and the need to vent is not as powerful.

So what was once a plan that I thought was universal for our entire group seemed to be completely wrong. And truth be told I had a little emotional break down at that point. I’m not entirely sure why I had been as moody as I was, but it’s a problem that keeps poking its head out lately. So Rui talked me down and we got on about our night. Brandon got to the hotel okay, and wasn’t waylaid by brigands, and we all got a chance to walk about Metrotown mall and shop for a bit. Then it was back to the room and a slackers evening of hot tubing and an in-room movie “Role Models”. Fun movie by the way, a lot more substance than I was originally expecting.

Next morning we got decked out for Taboo and we were off. I was decked out in the Pirate regalia and was ready for action. There is nothing quite like being dressed in handcrafted silks and cloths that fit you just right in all the places they should, to make you feel like the king shit. Add to it that the cloths are all the dashing swashbuckler/pirate and you have a man whose confidence is on high.

Taboo itself seemed quite tame as you first approached the arena. Just your usual convention from the outsides of the building and the crowd that could be seen loitering around. It wasn’t until I got to the front entrance that I got to see a hint at the glory that was going to be Taboo. Approaching the ticket counter was a series of pole-dancers showing their skills, then a check point to check ages, and then the tickets. I lucked out and got to use the VIP entrance since I was working the event. Once inside we were immediately overtaken by colors sounds and merch. Barely 15 feet into the event we had a display woman calling to us and showing us her masturbatory aid. The blushing my roommate did in that moment was epic. Even I wasn’t prepared for such a sudden phallic barrage. Our social cherry was popped for the day and after that nothing really could shock us as we toured through the booths. I quickly went and stopped by the Felix and Kitty booth and picked up some business cards to hand out. After that I must admit the rest of the time was a fantastic blur of images and sensations. Topless women, painted chests, dildos, clothing, dancers, exercise equipment, porn stars, tons of leather clothing (most too tight), demonstrations of sex acts, and fantastic performances of all kinds of dancers and styles. Not to mention that once I got to walking around on my own I started to get a lot more attention than I could ever really expect. I wasn’t too surprised when someone asked to have their picture taken with me; I was dressed to get people’s attention and to model the clothing. But the more people that took my picture the more it seemed to get people’s attention. The next thing I know I have groups of girls coming up to me all nervous and excited asking to have their pictures taken, I’m being groped all over the place, and I’m getting far more attention than I’m used to. I think it was right after the mother daughter picture that got taken, both of which were grabbing my ass that I came to the realization that this was way beyond anything that I could have expected. I’m pretty sure that considering the venue I was working, some of these women probably thought I was a porn star or something. But if nothing else I ended up handing out a ridiculous amount of business cards.

Personally out of all the photos taken, I had a few with a woman who had spider-man picture painted on her chest that I totally want a copy of. She was awesome and silly and I think the pictures reflect that.
Hours of excitement later we’re on route back to the hotel. Now, for those of you that know me and my roommate, we both have a tendency to go way too long without eating. Aside from being unhealthy, it also makes us incredibly grumpy. This was the case on the drive back to the hotel. So a quick escape made by Vicki Nelson and we rocket back to the hotel to get ready for game that night. We had planned on eating at the airport but once there we put it off even longer, voting to get going to the Camarilla game instead. Didn’t want to be too late after all, well at least I didn’t.

So once again we’re on the road in Vancouver and driving like mad to get to where we’re going. Luckily we actually discovered a Burger King on route and got to spot of some food. Many a life was spared because of that turn of fate. The best part of this stop though would have had to been the reactions that we got walking into this BK. Both of us are dressed basically like upper level mob bosses, dark suits, rings, grim expressions and a kill them all demeanour (we were hungry ) So when we walk through those doors the staff behind the counter flinched. One of the tellers actually looked at us and bolted for the back, leaving her partner all alone up front. Luckily the roomy noticed it too, so we played it up. Walking up to the counter with death in our eyes the entire time he doesn’t even look at her.
“Guido, what do ya want?” He asks me. I just point at the board. He stays expressionless, and orders his food. I’m pretty sure the woman was actually going to let us go without paying at one point, she just hesitated and thought about it, but the roomy pulled a $50 from his pocket and handed it to her. Never had such service at a fast food place before, it was great.

After that we were off for an exciting night of role playing and aggressive debate about pointless rules. Now me personally I’m all about the flow and fun of the situation but this entire night seemed to be once continuous agreement about rules. It was kind of depressing. But we were there with a mission in mind and I was determined to complete it. Socialize and get to know the neighbours. Yep, simple huh. Somehow it didn’t turn out that way, and due to basically being attacked from the moment our “alters” arrived at game we stopped playing nice. Which of course turned into a mass combat, the dread enemy of any role-player. But what should have been an hour of combat turned into 7 hours of pathetic arguing, lying, confusion, threats and frustration. If it hadn’t been for the loving patience of a friend of mine, Mik, I’m pretty sure I was prepared to kill a man with a chair just to get the situation to end. To say that I was annoyed was an understatement. It would take another two weeks before this scene would actually be resolved and even that took a National level storyteller to decide how it all would come to an end. It was sad.

So here we are leaving a Denny’s at 5am and having to drive back to the hotel to try and get some rest before the next day. This would have been fine, it was late and there was almost no traffic. But three things worked against us returning home.
1-Fog so thick you couldn’t see 15ft in front of you.
2- Vancouver doesn’t put signs on their streets.
3- The directions we were given were totally wrong.
So what should have been a 30 minute drive turned into an hour and a half trek around the lower mainland. Fuck you Vancouver. Sorry it needed to be said. Never the less after that sleeping turned into a forgotten possibility and we opted to just go back to the rooms rest for an hour and leave on the early morning ferry back. Anything to escape that blasted city.I’ll admit I actually got lost on the way back to the ferry, but recovered with enough time to make it on to the same sailing as my roommate and the others.

You have no idea how glad I was to get back onto the island. It took a great amount of will not to speed the entire time down the Pat Bay highway on my way home. But I made it and the week-end from hell was over, and we weren’t any worse for wear to show for it.

And that my dear internet junkies is why I didn’t blog the trade show.